Silva

25th January, 2061

I was running late for my own death. All the hire bikes were taken so I had to walk. I crossed London Fields where the hollow stumps of oaks rose up to their former glory like ghosts in my mind. I could almost hear their leaves in the breeze. Along the towpath to Angel, I peered into the canal, empty but for the congealed sludge at the bottom with the odd shopping trolley and hubcap emerging out of it. I imagined the canal suddenly filling up again and a narrow boat appearing that would take me out of this city prison and into the edgelands, all the way to Silva. I put it down to the last spasms of fear, a flash frame of fantasy. Onto Euston Road, where cars once belched their fumes, I walked down its centre line so that the swarms of cyclists had to dodge around me. A huge billboard outside the British Library read To Void or not to Void, that is the Question. Someone had tagged it in bright red paint with the words Stay alive — Strive!

Since making the decision to Void, my life had been slowly unravelling. My memories were coming back in waves, like a montage of moments in a film. Family gatherings, holidays, past relationships, the psyche ward admissions. A month was the quickest wait time they could give me. There was paperwork to sort on their side and I had to make sure that all my affairs were in order, which meant throwing my one bag of things away. I wasn’t afraid of death, only my reasons for it. In the adverts they assured us it would be painless, a pill or an injection, simple. I was going to join Mum and Dad and for that reason I was certain that I was doing the right thing. But Josh’s voice was still coming into my head from time to time, making me question. Up until now I had just hated him for it, but I was starting to wonder, in this last walk of my life, if there may have been more to his rebellion.

25th December, 2059 

We were all seated around the big metal table in the kitchen. It was Mum and Dad’s last supper. They seemed calm, resolute, at peace with their decision. We joined hands and lowered our heads in prayer. Dad led the proceedings as usual. 

— Lord, we thank you for this food and we trust that with these chips you will keep this family safe until they return to the Void, Amen.

There was a moment’s silence, before Josh broke it.

— It’s not returning to the Void Dad, it’s suicide! They make you think it’s returning, so that it’s less scary, but — 

Josh leant across the table so far that his jumper sucked up the soup from his bowl.

— Alright Joshy,

Mum interrupted,

— we know what you think about The Void, but one day you will come to realise that it’s the best solution to global warming that this species has.

— No, I won’t come to realise anything, because I know there’s already another way! If you’re prepared to die for it, why not be prepared to fight for it?

— Another way to save the planet? Josh, come on, you’re deluding yourself,

Dad interjected. He wiped some soup from the corner of his mouth with a napkin, then looked over his glasses at Josh. It was a look we both knew only too well. Josh sat back in his seat, arms crossed, deflated. 

There had always been friction between the two of them, the classic father-son dilemma: father won’t let go, whilst son tries desperately to break free from his grip. Lately the disagreements had become more extreme. Dad was adamant that the way of The Void was the only way out of the mess we were in, whereas Josh was following a movement called Silva, meaning forest in Portuguese (it all started in Portugal). They were a network of self-sufficient communities, living off the land on the edgelands of cities, off-grid and on a mission. The Strivers, as the followers of Silva called themselves, were fighting for another way of life that they believed to be the way of the future. The Voiders, on the other hand, were firm believers that the future was doomed and the best way to escape the solastalgia was to Void. That night, I found myself floundering somewhere in between the two of them. I wasn’t ready to Void yet, but I also wasn’t ready to leave my home in the city and go to live on a commune. 

25th January, 2061

A long snake of a queue slithered out of the University College Hospital doors onto the street. I walked towards the front to see that at its head was a lady with a clipboard and digital pen checking people in. The sign above her head read This Way to the Void Wing with an arrow pointing the way beneath it. A couple of Dogz ushered me back out to the end of the queue. 

— Wait your turn,

they barked digitally at me.

The organisation seemed good, efficient. The reality of it, that it was really going to happen, and that all these other people were there for the same reason, comforted me. I was part of a movement, there were others like me who felt the same, who may have also spent the past month mentally preparing for this moment. We were ready to journey into the Void, together.

When I reached the front of the queue the lady didn’t look up from her clipboard, but questioned me very directly,

— Name?

— Sarah Austin.

— Age?

— Thirty-four.

— Address?

— I’ve been living at the shelter in Hackney — Saviour’s House.

— Family?

— My parents Voided last year. My brother is a Striver. 

She looked up from her clipboard. 

— Shame. Occupation?

Part of me felt she was right, but then another part didn’t want to think badly of Josh, not now. I wanted to make peace with him. He hadn’t refused to see the truth, he had just decided to respond to it in a different way. I had to respect that also. Why all these questions anyway, surely that’s what the paperwork was for? 

— Fiction writer,

I answered.

— Well, you couldn’t make this stuff up could you?

— No, I guess not,

I responded, a little stunned by her chattiness.

She refocused,

— Injection or pill, love?

— Injection please,

I reflexed. I don’t know why I chose the injection in those final moments. Maybe because I wanted to feel the prick of death, rather than swallow it whole.

She handed me a coin-sized sticker that read Injection to The Void — Thanks to you, our Planet Will Flourish! There was a logo that I couldn’t make out at the bottom of it. 

— Stick it above your heart so the doctor can see what to give you,

she directed. Then looking at me over the top of her glasses added,

— OK, along the corridor now, follow the arrows, the nurse will be with you shortly.

She pointed me away with her digital pen as if waving a magic wand.

I followed the arrows along a long corridor. The strip lights buzzed above me. 

25th December, 2060

One year had passed, and the grief still clung on. We met in the Victoria Park memorial grounds where a plaque had been erected for all the Voiders. What used to be a marshland from the canal’s risen waters, was now dry, cracked, and desolate. I knew that I would feel their absence, that I would miss them terribly, but I didn’t know how dependent upon them I had become for my sense of stability in life. Since their Voiding, I had lost my job, my home, and my way. The shelter I had to move into was even more depressing than the state of the planet. The decision to Void was not difficult to make. One phone call that morning and my destiny was set. I had a date for death.

— Look at this,

Josh said, pointing to the line at the bottom of the plaque,

— 'Safe in the Void’. What a load of bollocks!

— You must respect their decision, Josh.

— I would if it were a decision. Fucking conspiracy more like, they’re just trying to reduce the population, so they have more resources for themselves.

— Shall we sing?

I suggested to try to change the subject. I could feel one of his rants coming on. Since telling him on the phone that morning my decision to Void I had been mentally preparing myself for his comeback. Now that he was there in front of me, I wished I hadn’t told him at all.

— You can if you like, my voice is hoarse from last night’s party.

— You know you shouldn’t be partying at a time like this, Josh.

— What? May as well be Voided if you can’t have any fun anymore. Anyway, it was a seed party.

— A seed party?

— Yeah, we’ve been planting different varieties to find the most resilient, looking forward to the future of food. 

— You know I don’t get on with your Strivers scene,

I scowled back.

— Yeah, you’re too busy planning your suicide.

— It’s not suicide, Josh, it’s a choice to Void. A legitimate choice given to us. People who commit suicide feel that they have no alternative. This is different. I know that there is an alternative, I just don’t believe it to be a better alternative.

— It’s a scam, that’s what it is. Corporations looking after their shareholders, herding us like animals, not letting us leave the cities, making way for more destruction of the world’s resources. You know The Void is sponsored by Nu-Clear. They’re a far-right fascist dictatorship, Sarah, and they’ve brainwashed you with their holier-than-thou propaganda about finding clarity through death! 

— Oh, now you’re being ridiculous, Josh. I don’t want to argue about this anymore, I have made up my mind.

— No you haven’t, you’re just doing what Mum and Dad did, you’re just following them because you’re too afraid to take responsibility for yourself and this planet!

— What do you mean? I am doing this for the planet!

I could feel my patience slipping, and with it my balance. I lowered myself to the ground. 

— I’m tired, Josh, I’m just so tired of all of this,

I said, hugging my knees into my chest and resting my chin on them. He crouched down and put an arm around me. My older brother, whom I had always looked up to, grounded me. 

— I don’t want to lose you, Sarah.

We could hear digital barking getting nearer. The Dogz were on the prowl.

— You know you’ll have to turn yourself in at some point!

I shouted after him as he darted across the park.

— Never!

he shouted up to the sky. 

I watched him climb down into the empty canal that would take him all the way back to the edgelands. Back to Silva and the Strivers. There was a part of me that wanted to go with him, but another part that knew it was beyond me. I was broken, not resilient like all of them. Better to play it safe. Besides, I would only hold their efforts back. Maybe he was right, I was just following Mum and Dad, but was that such a bad thing? Voiding was not something to be ashamed of, it was an act of will and would make a significant difference to the planet. I had no children and wasn’t planning to make matters worse by giving birth to a surplus generation. I had no responsibility but for myself.  

25th January, 2061

At the end of the corridor were some metal double doors. Nailed to one of them was a sign that read Welcome to The Void. At the bottom of the sign there was a logo, the same as the one on the sticker, only more legible. It read Nu-Clear, and beneath it were the words Find Clarity Through Death. My heart started to beat faster. My head got hot, and my thoughts became disordered. I could hear Josh’s voice — They’re a far-right fascist dictatorship Sarah, they’ve brainwashed you! And then I heard Mum’s voice — It’s the best solution to global warming that this species has. The double doors opened and a nurse appeared. He smiled and pointed me towards a bed in the centre of the room where a doctor stood waiting with a needle pointing up to the sky. A strange sound came out of my mouth from deep within, a primordial sound that I had never made before. I turned away from the double doors and ran back down the corridor. Footsteps followed behind me. I kept running until I reached the hospital reception. The lady with the digital pen looked up from her clipboard. After getting over the shock of seeing me again she shouted out,

— Stop that woman!

I just kept running.

26th January, 2061

It was a long walk to the edgelands from the city. The moon was full and lit the way along the empty canal. As I neared Silva, my anxiety lessened. Walking through the wheat field, I saw Josh waving from the top of the hill above the camp. He ran down towards us. 

— So, this is what they call the afterlife? 

I said to Josh as we hugged.

— No, 

he said,

— this is the way of life! 

And I had to believe he was right because I had left the city, renounced my beliefs and had nowhere else to go. How long we would survive at Silva, striving for a better future, I didn’t know. What I had come to realise was that the Void was no longer an option for me. The way of Silva was the way forward, for now.