Hi Darling, Just Calling to Say

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Hi Darling, Just Calling to Say I’ve been thinking an awful lot lately

About all the things you’d do that rubbed me

The wrong way:

How it was always your goddamned music

In the car and after dinner.

There’s only so many times

You can listen to Levon by Elton

Without losing the will.

You were messy - you’d always wait for me to

Change the sheets, feed the cat, turn the

lights off downstairs.

Don’t even get me started on that godawful

night

When you vomited all over yourself

At your friend Joan’s house.

One minute you were singing

And the next you were clinging to her with

one hand

And her toilet seat with the other,

Decorating the tiled floor with the pasta you’d

had earlier

And the two bottles of white wine you’d drunk.

You always wanted to seem sophisticated

Because you could say

‘Châteauneuf-du-Pape’.

Well, good for you.

I always hated,

How you would run a bath and then complain

When the water got cold and I’d say

Well, you shouldn’t have left it so long

And you would shout and shout and shout at

me,

Call me a bastard -

And well, after a while of thinking of all the

ways

You bothered me, I started wishing

That you would come back

And bother me again soon.