An Amateur’s Guide to Haunting Houses

Step ONE: What is a ghost?

A ghost is a wish

regret

      alive

a fantastic starting point for the exploration of houses.

Step TWO: What is a house?

A house is a home, a bed, a family, warm footprints on the carpet, static fuzz televisions, a memory. A collection of broken plates and uneaten food, a scene, a web of rusted pipes that can’t bleed. A shut door, bolted. A snowfall of dust. An intruder.

It is a taste, a cracked window, rebroken, a set of stairs crooked, a snapped wire peeling from its joints. It is teeth. It is changing. It is the wind through an open door.

It is an open door. It is a mouth. It has teeth.

Potential adventurers of haunted houses must always be hungry for new opportunities wherever they look!

Step THREE: Go outside.

What are the houses like around you? Notice the similarities between them and you. You will become skilled in this.

Notice the pupil of the windows, how the doors hang. Notice moss, or ivy, or lack thereof in raw brick. Notice the similarities between—

Amator— a lover. To do something for the love of—

Keep focused, you’re doing great! Notice the similarities between— it bleeds and cries until it is empty inside and pads the plaster walls like a tiger. Notice the time.

Were you paying attention?

Notice the impossible dimensions of the house, is it typically constructed? When was it built? It’s always been here. What are the walls like around you, can you touch them? You are very skilled. Notice the dust imprint that once was a welcome mat. Notice the door behind you. Notice the—

welcome.

Notice—

a house is like a body for tiny creatures to curl inside.

No—

what do you think a house does when they have been left alone for so long?

with empty stomachs.

Notice the open door behind you.

The door is open.

The door is open.

The door is open.

The door

is shut.

Step FOUR: Congratulations!

You have completed your first house haunting. Remember, it is unlikely you will find anything that amounts to true paranormal phenomena on your first look. Most experts never find a verifiable “haunted house” in their entire careers.

Above all else, remember you can never go

home.