The Hall of the Scientists
Welcome.
We have a great range of curie-osities, hawking back to the beginning of time.
Out here, we have our infamous water feature,
worth its weight in gold.
You don't want to have a bath in there, though; you'll reek.
A bit of housekeeping:
if, at any point around the Hall,
you hear a sound like screaming pigs,
don't let it get on your nerves;
it's just the pipes,
we're getting a new pump installed
at twenty-eight minutes past four.
It might be a little chilly,
but we haven't reached zero yet.
Not absolutely, anyway.
Shall we go inside?
No - please don't kneel on de grass,
come in and count the Geigers!
there may even be an atom somewhere in this building that once inhabited the brain of Einstein. Albert, that is.
If anyone needs them, the toilets are a few Newton metres thataway.
If you find yourself in need of refreshments, please visit our café;
I'd advise against the roddenberry muffins, though;
we've had some tribble with their gene-tic modification.
We've got plenty of exhibits,
each one far from Bohr-ing
might not get you swinging from vines,
but we like to think it's pretty good-all round.
I see some little ones in the group -
how would you like to goe-ppert the subatomic particles on the nucleus?
Want to know what it's like being struck by lightning?
We can put you in a cage far-a day,
and you can fly a kite while you wait for the main event;
just remember: you're only as powerful as you are fearless.
Here we have our Computer Lab:
Mary Anna Palmer Draper
Williamina Fleming
Antonia Maury
Anna Winlock
Annie Cannon
Henrietta Swan Leavitt
Each one fascinating,
take your pick-ering.
And what do we have here?
A bishop to ussher in a new age?
There's Richard Owen sauring over the mantellpiece
peigner la girafe, if you lam-ask me.
No, you can't go through there;
we had to get rid of the Cuvier exhibit due to flooding.
You can still get out onto the patio, though.
We're planning to make the awning all merry
for Christmas.
We're actually running a competition, so keep that
on your radar:
win an exotic holiday with a beagle.
You never know; everyone else who enters might get struck down with something.
We also have a resident cat. Haven't seen him for a while, though…
Hope he's not after any rabbits;
they do lichen to potter about in the garden.
We are rather proud of our garden;
got security down to a pat,
with Barbara'd wire
and McLint-Locks.
(We're not Strickl-y supposed to have them,
so don't chirp about it;
you don't want to be responsible for any staff pulse amplification.)
Had a wedding here once:
filled the Hall with love lace
and algorithms.
The groom forgot the (o)rings,
but he was a fine man.
What was that? You want to know about the discoveries?
I haven't a clue
to tes-ya the truth
it paynes me to ask what stars are made of.
Make sure to visit the gift shop on your way out, they've got a BOGOF on helices.
Frankly-n you'll never find a ros-ier deal,
but… you Meitner want to split atoms about that.