5:30am

The atmosphere is slowly tinting grey, I stayed up too long again: 

My heart didn't break 

When we decided you couldn't see it anymore 

Or that night when both of us 

Broke that promise 

In a silent, red regret 

I want to wash these bedsheets 

With cold soap, white wine, and tears 

The eggshell blue of a city night sky feels the same way as these memories 

Slightly harsh, clinical touch and sounds 

A distance I can't quite make out in this cold 

When the right voice, and words 

Came into my life one petroleum lit day 

That heart of mine finally dared to shatter 

Maybe to love again, maybe to tug on my lungs until they let me breathe 

He did that, I just don’t know if I feel yet 

I thought I built mountains against your attitude 

The way you twist my tongue 

And set my brain on fire, like only absent parents usually do 

I bleed at these feelings, from my eyes and fingertips, with every pore 

You forced them on me, he took them in a blanket and taught me how to rid guilt 

But now I don't sleep 

Suffocating white under all this smoke, exhaling a burden 

Unpacking a suitcase of clothes I don't own 

Keeping them close 

And learning to embrace a new way of fashion, 

maybe I'll wear this suit when I visit him